Speechless.

Usually I’m a person who always has something to say, but lately I ‘ve been having the hardest time finding the right words to express my feelings and emotions.

Last night was the perfect example. As I sit here and reminisce on all the happiness and love that was given to me last night I am left speechless with a heart so full.

On June 25th I was to attend my graduation ceremony to celebrate the official end to my educational career with new friends I’ve made. Unfortunately just a few days before I lost my father and was unable to attend this celebration. Although it was something that was important to me and something I was looking forward to, I quickly forgot all about it and really haven’t given it much thought since last night.

Last night I was under the impression I was attending my cousin’s birthday party, something we do every year so it was nothing out of the ordinary. Upon arriving at my cousin’s house I saw my entire family waiting for me to congratulate me on my latest accomplishment. With smiles on their faces, they welcomed me with excitement and love. I remember looking at my boyfriend and thinking what the hell is going on? What are they congratulating me on? Is there something I should know about? And then we laughed as we read the “Congrats Grad” sign on the fence.

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Instantly I felt overwhelmed to think that my family, who have also been having a difficult time, went out of their way to make me happy, to see me smile. I still can’t seem to find the right words to express how grateful I am or how loved I feel. The generosity and warmth they brought was incredible and reminded me that without family life would not be as special as it is.

Something I wasn’t expecting at all turned out to be one of my most cherished memories. Spending the evening with those who are so close to my heart was beautiful and although my father wasn’t physically there to celebrate with me, I knew he was in my heart  because this is something he would have done for me. He always loved to throw a surprise party especially with family around. He did it for my 16th birthday and he would have done it for every other birthday after that if he could. So last night reminded me of him and what he would have wanted.

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I’m a very sentimental person, which I got from my father and my family made sure that they included such strong sentiment in every detail last night. Starting with the cake. I had a beautiful graduation cake with a cap and tassel but off to the side was a heart with the initials RS, to represent Roberto Scarlato. A small gesture that spoke many words.

My boyfriend gave me a ring, no not A RING, but a beautiful custom designed ring that incorporates my favourite colour purple and a snake wrap design. So special and so unique, he said he wanted to give me something that no one else has, “one of a kind”, kinda like what I mean to him.

My beautiful god-daughter gave me a ring as well with a garnet stone to symbolize my fathers birthstone. They shared such a special bond and spent so much time together that she was like a daughter to him too. Both born in January just days apart, we got the chance to celebrate their birthday’s together which was such a special treat that my father absolutely cherished.

But my family gave me possibly the most meaningful gift I have ever received. Of course I couldn’t read the card in front of everyone, I still haven’t been able to because there were a few words that stood out that instantly brought tears to my eyes. So I opened a box to find a beautiful heart-shaped locket with my favourite picture of my father and I at Christmas time. He used to tell me how happy he was during this time of year and how excited he was to celebrate each Christmas with me as I grew up. It’s perfect and is something that will remind me that he is with me always.

After admiring its beauty and sentimental meaning I put it on. My god-daughter and I were walking around and as I held her in my arms she grabbed on to the locket tightly. She looked at it and kissed it. Not just one kiss but many kisses and an instant feeling of happiness and warmth came over me. People say that when loved ones pass on they communicate through children because they are so innocent and pure. This was my dad speaking to me and I couldn’t be more grateful for that moment.

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Thank you and I love you were the only things I managed to say to everyone last night. I still can’t find the right words to express my appreciation and love for my entire family.

I am one lucky girl.

 

 

 

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